Yesterday, she shared her choice of becoming a SAHM. Today, here is mine for choosing to be a working mom. So first, some back story:
In fall of 2005, I was in my 4th year of grad school. My husband and I had been married for a bit more than 3 years at this time. One of the reasons I considered not going on for my PhD was wanting to have children sooner rather than later. I began looking at classes for the next semester and realized I only had one more class to take (then just working on my thesis). So, if I were to have a baby soon, I would at least be done with my classes. I also believed that I could finish up my thesis fine with having a child. Finally, we had heard of so many couples taken a lot of time to get pregnant, so we figured, the sooner we started "trying" the better. So, my husband and I actually started to "not prevent" in November of 2005. I found out in early January 2006 that I was in deed pregnant already! We were due in mid-September.
When I had my son, Owen, I was very lucky to be at the university that I was. I was only teaching one class (at night) and they were able to give me maternity leave for 6 weeks (I actually went back in 4 weeks due to students having problems!). My husband got home from work in time for me to go to my 2 day-a-week class. In November, I found out that I was going to have to teach 2 classes (3 days a week) during the day for the spring semester to keep my assistantship. So I started looking for a daycare. We were able to find a very nice in-home daycare who charged us $1.50/hour, so we didn't have to worry too much about the cost!
Now to be honest, I don't know how much of a "choice" it was for me to be a working mom. And by that I am not talking about feeling forced into working to keep my assistantship. What I mean is that I never really considered the alternative of being a SAHM. Whenever I pictured my future, I was working and had kids. I got to see what being a SAHM would be like that first 4 months of Owen's life, and it wasn't a negative experience by any means. I cherished every moment, as well as every moment after that. I know that one of the things I want to teach my children is to follow your dreams and that you are capable of anything you set your mind to. I believed this myself - why can't I have it all? A great career and a great family. I believe that I have both and plan to work hard to keep it that way.
I think that any family that goes through the decision process will always look at pros and cons. So I have compiled my list of those from my perspective.
Pros
- I get to have my identity that is separate from "mommy."
- My children light up when they see me come home (or pick them up)
- My children get lots of social experiences.
- My children get to learn from people specifically trained in early-childhood education (I was trained in secondary education)
- We all get to tell each other about our day.
- I have people built in to help me when one of my children is struggling (another opinion, set of eyes, etc has been great to have with Quinn)
- Extra income
Cons
- A lot less time with them during the week.
- Other people may see the "milestones" before me :(
- Mommy guilt - feeling that I shouldn't need "me" time since I'm already away from the kids so much!
- Feeling "judged" by other Mommys for not staying home.
- Trying to find the balance.
- Having to worry more about what you are going to do when the children are sick.
I'm sure there are some other pros/cons out there for working moms - others of you feel free to add to these pros and cons!
But again, most important - each family is different and needs to make the decision that is best for their family!
I have am very fortunate to have a flexible job and work at the same place as my husband. We have changed our "balance often since Spencer was born. Before he came along we both worked evening shift...We always worked that same days at the same times (different locations). After Spencer came along, I switched to part time, swing shift on alternating weekends. it meant that we almost never had a weekend off together but one of us was always home on the weekend. He worked straight evenings and i worked some day shifts and some evening shifts (on his evenings off) Spencer was in daycare for about 3 hours a day 2-3 days a week, otherwise he was home with one of us. The problem was that we rarely saw each other and never had time alone as a couple. Then when Grant came along we changed our schedules around so that we were both part time and both on mostly day shifts. I worked 6 days every 2 weeks and he worked 8 days every 2 weeks. the kids ended up in daycare 2-3 days a week for longer hours but we had a lot more time as a family. (still alternating weekends though)
ReplyDeleteWhen we moved to Oregon, Will had to take a straight evening shift. I was home with both boys for a month (SAHM because I was still looking for work). IT WAS NOT FOR ME. After a month we put Spencer in pre kindergarten to get him out of the house and save my sanity. A month after that I went back to work "per diem" I work mostly day shift (I choose to pick up a few evenings on Will's evenings off). I have every weekend off and I don't have to work holidays anymore. The boys are both in school 5 days a week.
For us...it's always been about balance. Balancing mommy (and daddy) guilt with the desire to work (and have income). We have to re-evaluate our needs sometimes make adjustments but that's what works for us.