A tough week

This past week has probably been the worst week of my life. I had my first prenatal appointment. Now I am one that doesn't believe I am pregnant until I get to either see and/or hear my baby. The doctor and I were discussing who would deliver the baby since she is moving in September, and what day we would have it on (March 1) since I would get to have a scheduled c-section. They then do an ultrasound to see how many babies are in there and to listen to the heartbeat. Good news - only 1 baby. Seeing it just made my heart melt. But I could tell something was wrong with the way the doctor was searching for something. I asked what was wrong and she said she couldn't locate a heartbeat - my heart just sunk and I was in denial.

She wanted me to go to the hospital to get a second opinion with higher level ultrasound technology. Three hours later, the worst was confirmed - the baby was dead.

Then we had to decide what we were going to do - I had no signs of a miscarriage. I could either wait to see if nature ran its course or have a D & C performed to remove the fetus. After discussion a lot with my family, especially my Aunt Robyn who is a nurse, I was advised to go ahead with the D & C so that I would be under a controlled environment.

I went in yesterday and had the surgery performed. Although I was totally out for the procedure, the idea of my baby being taken out of me is very hard to deal with. Shouldn't have too long of a physical recovery, don't know if I will ever fully recover emotionally.