I believe that one of the hardest things about many circumstances is that they have become so "routine" we don't think about the individual anymore. As a professor, I have students who have been tested to receive special accomodations that I abide by. I try to be understanding if certain circumstances arise (as long as I can get some form of documentation). The individual should still get attention!
As I'm getting closer to having this baby and knowing that my c-section date is getting closer, I can't help but worry. Multiple doctors have looked at my records/medical history and don't seem too concerned. But is this because it has become so routine to them? I need to discuss my concerns and fears with them.
I still don't have a "full" understanding of what happened during O's birth, but from my understanding, I went from real concern (will I make it) to possibly needing a hysterectomy, to a slow but full recovery. The doctors here have made me feel that what happened was attributed to a couple of extra things that won't be happening this time - big baby and being induced for such a long time.
I can't help but have this slight fear of, I'll say it, dying. I don't want to leave my children without a mother and my husband without a wife. I don't know how/if they would make it. The idea of needing a hysterectomy this time does not strike fear in me as if I have two children and get to be with them, that is enough.
Boils down to that I need to discuss this with my doctors and my family. I need them to know my fears so that they can be there for me. I have such a great family, I just don't want to be a squeaky wheel!
I am definitely a little scared about what is coming up... sometimes I feel like I am too blessed and things can't possibly work out. Yes, I know that is crazy, but I am pregnant so I get to be crazy. We never thought we would have a baby, and so this whole experience for me has been a roller coaster. I am both super excited and optimistic about the end of the ride, and also pretty darn nervous! I love to picture the perfect labor and delivery, and when I do that I actually look forward to the physical side of things and being the amazing woman God created to do this job! BUT, I know that there is also a good chance the unexpected will happen and I feel pretty mortal on a regualar basis when I think about that part. Matt doesn't entirely understand because he is a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-everything-is-going-to-work-out guy. I, on the other hand, want to plan it all out. It will be very interesting to see how we adapt to being parents! LOL!
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